Abuse by Mother (A look at my Childhood)

The effect   of   emotional    abuse by mother   has been a life-lasting and lingering hurt that hunts me to this day. Excessive criticism by my mother caused me to have low self-esteem   through adolescence and early adulthood I developed a very sensitive and self-conscious outlook on life. I could not rely on my mother for love and protection If she wasn’t hurting me then it was one of her many boyfriends.  I was so hard for me to understand why she would hurt me, as a child I want to just run as far away as I could. And end the nightmare that I call my life. I was raised by mother Aunt and Uncle until I was 8 or 9 years of age. My mother was in prison and could not take care of me. And when she was released from prison I went to live with her. Things seem too been fine for a few years but by the time I was 10years old that’s when it all seemed unreal. My mother has never had a job in her life and never finished school. She could not read or even write her name, I taught her how when I was 11 years old. It was really hard for me as a child, she would sell her body to get money to pay bills and the lights and water would still somehow always be off. She would take me with her at night when she walks to streets looking for men to pay her for sex. I would sit in the car outside motel rooms sometimes in the cold waiting for her to come out. And if I was nice and didn’t talk or ask any questions she would buy me some candy on the way back home.  I remember nights on the sofa at my Aunts house crying wondering if I was going to ever see her again. She would always tell me one day she was going to runaway and never come back because she hated me so. It’s been only by the grace of God that I can let go of the pain. And yet sometime I feel like it’s still a part of me. I had to Work toward forgiving my mother, but I could not allow her to hurt my child the way she hurt me, that’s why I had to leave and this is the reason for me being homeless.